Embracing Motherhood: Navigating Identity, Mood, and Worries on Postpartum and Beyond.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy! Welcoming a little one into your life is an incredible experience filled with joy and love: and so many other emotions…
Let’s not candy coat it. As you embark on your journey as a new mom, it's natural to encounter a range of emotions, concerns, and even identity confusion. The unique challenges faced by women who are now balancing pre-children roles with the role of motherhood during their maternity leave and beyond are real. We will delve into the topics of mood, worries, and identity confusion, offering guidance and support during this exciting yet challenging time.
Motherhood can be an emotional rollercoaster, especially during that first year postpartum. In Canada, we are “priviliged” to be able to take up to 18 months off work with some payment from the governement for doing one of the hardest and absolutely most important jobs on the planet - I could go on. Hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and adjusting to a new routine spear headed by a “tiny dictator” can lead to mood swings and emotional ups and downs. Think about the last time you started a new job - it likely provided more training and support than the role of life provider and sustainer you are in now I’m guessing.
Try your best to remember that these feelings (worries, anxiety, sadness, confusion, overwhelm, guilt, shame etc etc etc) are quite common and part of the adjustment process. However, just because they are common - does not mean you need to sit in silence suffering. Connect with others outside your walls either virtually or in person. Seek support from loved ones, engage in self-care / self identifying activities, and remember to be patient with yourself as you navigate this new chapter.
The acronym “NESTS” is one I use quite often in my practice. Check in with yours day to day: Nutrion, Exercise, Sleep, Time for Self and Support. These may mean different things to different people - so look internally for what your body and mind needs - not what the latest influencer on Instagram is doing.
Worries and Anxiety:
As a new mom, worries can consume your thoughts. Concerns about the baby's well-being, sleep patterns, feeding, and overall development may constantly be on your mind. It's crucial to find a balance between being attentive and not letting anxiety overwhelm you. Trust your instincts, seek guidance from reputable sources and healthcare professionals, and build a support network of other moms who can offer reassurance and advice. The power of a village of moms with kids around your child’s age or slightly older can do incredible things for your mental health.
Note that anxiety is a spectrum emotion. What does this mean? We can experience healthy concern and worry on one end of the spectrum building to anxiety and panic at the other end. Having concerns are motivating to fix them and reduce the worry - however anxiety and panic can be paralyzing - when we notice we are feeling more intense versions of anxiety it is important to find ways to calm your body BEFORE you try to reason with your spinning mind. Have you ever noticed that thinking your way out of anxiety extends the feeling? Try going for a walk, having a shower, drinking something cold/hot or even standing on one leg (balancing is a cool strategy to combat anxiety). Then pull out a pen and paper and work on problem solving that worry.
Also worth knowing: often when we get ‘ragey’ or angry “for no good reason”, it can stem from inner frustration from feeling out of control. Perhaps this is the first time in your life you have felt this helpless and confused OR it might be triggering emotions you’ve held from your own childhood experience either for yourself or your own mother. Take time to reflect on what is really bothering you about the situation after your body has had a chance to calm.
Identity Confusion:
This topic could be a full blog post on its own! Adjusting to the role of a mom while also maintaining your indivdual and professional identities can be challenging. Many women in their 30s or 40s entering into motherhood have invested years in their careers and have achieved significant milestones. However, becoming a mother can bring about a temporary sense of identity confusion. You may question your priorities, career goals, and the balance between work and family life. One day you are managing a team of people, then the next struggling to get a tiny human to latch on to what is supposed to be a “natural” feeding option. Remember, it's okay to feel conflicted.
Explore ways to integrate both aspects of your life, seek flexible work options, and consider talking to a therapist to help find fulfilment from multiple avenues. You are not confined to one role - you are a multifaceted beautiful human able to take on many roles. Also remember back to when you started your career? That vague memory of imposter syndrome perhaps? Or feeling like a kid playing a role at work? Maybe that’s just me - but remember there is a transition period. With a new job it is normal to expect a six month learning curve before fully understanding your role and job, especially as it relates to your identity.
I also often encourage new parents to look for opportunities to meet people and introduce yourself either without mentioning your child, or saying one thing about yourself first. This can help you to feel more grounded in your identity if you are feeling lost. Hi! I’m Amber and I’m a Social Worker who loves working with new moms AND I am a mom to two awesome Littles.
Rediscovering Yourself:
While motherhood can be all-consuming, it's crucial not to lose sight of your own needs and personal growth. Take time for self-reflection and discover ways to nurture your passions and hobbies. Engage in activities that bring you joy and allow you to maintain a sense of individuality. By taking care of yourself, you can better care for your little one and maintain a healthier balance between being a mom and your personal identity.
Its not uncommon to need to revisit what brings you joy, grounding and excitement. If you feel overwhelmed with finding what it means to be you - try doing a free online assessment (my fav is the Via Strengths one www.viacharacter.org) or just looking up a list of “pleasurable activities” and picking one that sounds interesting.
Conclusion:
Transitioning into motherhood is a transformative and challenging experience (and can also be wonderful!). As a woman, juggling professional aspirations and adjusting to life as a new mom can bring about mood swings, worries, anxiety, and identity confusion. Remember that you are not alone in this journey. Reach out to support networks, connect with other moms facing similar challenges, and seek professional help if needed. Embrace the joyous moments, practice self-compassion, and allow yourself to grow and evolve as both a professional and a loving mother.
You've got this!
