Loving Your Body Without Always Liking It
You don’t have to like how you look to be body positive.
That idea surprises people. We’ve been told body positivity means loving every wrinkle, roll, and stretch mark. But a healthy relationship with your body isn’t skin-deep—it’s intimate and complex, much like a relationship with a loved one.
Here’s the thing: relationships aren’t always harmonious. They involve missteps, frustrations, and moments when you’re just not on the same page. What makes a relationship healthy isn’t avoiding those bumps—it’s how you respond when they happen.
Take caregiving, for example. When my son was a baby, I didn’t love changing diapers. When a family member needed support managing bed sores, I didn’t relish that task either. But I showed up and cared for them without shame or resentment, because that’s what love looks like.
Now, I approach caring for my own body in the same way. I’m not always thrilled to manage skin folds or deal with physical discomfort, but I don’t shame myself for needing care. Instead, I show up for my body like I would for someone I love—because, well, I do.
This idea became even clearer when I thought about my husband. He has Meniere’s disease, which occasionally derails our plans. Maybe we’ve scheduled a fun day together, and suddenly, he’s hit with an attack. Do I feel disappointed? Absolutely. Do I get resentful? Sometimes—but here’s the key: I’m resentful of the disease, not the man.
I process those feelings, hold space for my frustration, and then choose to support him with love and respect. My feelings don’t go away, but they don’t spill onto him, either.
I approach my body the same way. On days when my body doesn’t “cooperate”—when it’s tired, sore, or just not what I want it to be—I feel the frustration. I don’t suppress it, but I don’t take it out on my body, either. I let myself feel it and care for my body anyway.
This is where managing conflicting emotions becomes an act of love:
1. Name and Validate Your Emotions
Instead of pushing feelings away, name them:
“I’m frustrated that my body isn’t doing what I want today.”
“I feel disappointed in how my skin looks right now.”
Acknowledging these emotions doesn’t make you ungrateful or unkind—it makes you human.
2. Reframe Care as an Act of Love
Sometimes, caring for your body doesn’t feel glamorous or inspiring—it feels like work. And that’s okay. Reframe those moments as acts of love:
“I’m not excited about this self-care task, but I’m doing it because I deserve care.”
It’s not about liking your body in every moment—it’s about respecting it enough to show up anyway.
3. Use “And” Statements for Balance
Hold space for conflicting truths with simple “and” statements:
“I don’t love this stretch mark, AND I appreciate how my body carried me through today.”
“I’m frustrated by my body’s limitations, AND I’m grateful for its strength.”
These statements remind you that your feelings don’t cancel out the care you deserve.
A healthy relationship with your body isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, even when things feel messy.
So the next time you’re frustrated with your body, try a simple phrase:
“I’m sorry… I’m learning… Thank you for…”
Here’s an example:
“I’m sorry for being harsh about how you look. I’m learning to be kinder to you. Thank you for keeping me alive and strong.”
Managing conflicting emotions isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. And if you’re feeling stuck, know this: it’s okay to need support. Relationships, whether with a loved one or yourself, take time, patience, and care to grow.
