Navigating Perinatal Anxiety: A Guide for New Moms
Hey there, Mama! Welcome to the rollercoaster ride of motherhood – a journey filled with love, giggles, and, of course, a fair share of challenges. If you're a new mom, navigating this wild adventure, you're in the right place. In this blog post, we're going to dive into the fascinating and terrifying world of perinatal anxiety. Think of it as a little chat with your fellow mom friend, covering everything from the beautiful moments to the "I-can't-believe-I'm-doing-this" ones. So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea, or a toddler's half-eaten apple – we get it!), and let's explore this exciting and sometimes bewildering journey together.
The Inner Critic and Irrational Beliefs: Unmasking the Voice of Self-Doubt
Have you ever noticed sometimes you have a little voice in your head that is not supportive? You know, that message telling you that you have failed, aren’t good enough or other people are going to judge you. Did you know this is really really common? As a new mom, the inner critic can become louder, fueling self-doubt and anxiety. Sometimes that inner critic will show up as intrusive thoughts that fly into your brain out of nowhere - they are really scare and sometimes ridiculous but you aren’t quite able to tell yourself its not true or is not likely to happen.
Many new moms struggle with the belief that they are not good enough or that they are bound to repeat past traumas from their own childhood. They are hyper aware of what others might think about them, whether family members or strangers in a mom and baby group. You might feel weighed down by a pressure to not repeat the harm of your own parents while also hearing their words repeated in your mind.
We will explore how these irrational beliefs impact a new mom’s self-worth and well-being. How can they not impact you? You probably feel like you have no control over them and they will never go away. The good news? Beliefs can be changed, negative thoughts can be replaced with more rational helpful thoughts.
The Impact of Perinatal Anxiety: Understanding the Emotional Landscape
Postpartum anxiety is like having a little worry monster on your shoulder, whispering all sorts of "what ifs" and concerns in your ear after you've become a mom. It's that feeling of nervousness and unease that can sometimes come with motherhood, making you second-guess things or fret about your baby's well-being, your abilities as a parent, or even everyday tasks. It's a common part of the post-baby journey, but it's important to know that you don't have to face it alone, and help is available.
Perinatal anxiety can manifest as dramatic shifts in relationships, especially with partners and parents. The overwhelming expectations and the pressure to juggle multiple roles often contribute to anxiety especially for parents who are people pleasers, or perfectionists. The idea of not being able to control day to day situations and outcomes can feel terrifying. Even if rationally you can understand that the little dictator you just birthed is not there to harm you, you may also be feeling panicked by the idea that you can no longer be fully in control with what you do when. Baby will need to eat and sleep on their terms, not yours.
For those that are used to being people pleasers they may have trouble setting boundaries with family members around visits, holding baby or attending events outside the home before you are ready. For decades you have done whatever your parents have asked, you have been there for them whenever needed - life’s different now. You are the CEO of your household and have a little person that you are accountable to. No longer can you be there whenever your parents/sister/best friend expect you to. This can create distress and conflict. Your loved ones might have comments about how you parent, advice flows freely for new moms - but now you have to set boundaries and do what you think is best for your family, not what you are told to do.
Intrusive thoughts are like those random, sometimes strange, and even scary ideas that pop into your mind, especially when you're expecting or a new parent. They might be about your baby's safety, your parenting abilities, or just odd scenarios you'd never act on. They're common, and most parents have them at some point. It's your brain's way of being extra cautious. But remember, they're just thoughts, and they don't define you or your actions. If they're causing you distress, it's okay to talk to someone about them. In fact, by saying it outloud they can start to lose their power.
NESTS
(Nutrition, Exercise, Sleep, Time for Self, and Supports) can be incredibly helpful when it comes to postpartum mood and anxiety struggles.
Therapeutic Approaches and Coping Strategies: Navigating the Storm
It is pretty amazing how refocusing on the basics of caring for self can be so powerful. This is not to invalidate the struggle - but to highlight that you do have some power in your environment and by focusing on support and education on the power of NESTS (Nutrition, Exercise, Sleep, Time for Self, and Supports) you might notice a reduction in distress and overwhelm and feel more grounded and able to implement other strategies.
EMDR therapy, targeted at addressing negative cognitions related to self-worth and body image, is further explained on our Trauma Page (click here).
Practical coping strategies, such as grounding exercises and controlled breathing, also help new moms manage anxiety and find moments of calm. Taking just 3 slower and deeper breathes can cue your nervous system to realize you are not currently unsafe and can relax your mind and body. You may be so used to living feeling on edge that moments of calm may feel uncomfortable - lean into that discomfort if you know you are safe.
Simple things such as looking around the room and noticing things that are blue, or smelling a scent that is grounding can also cue your mind and body to be present and grounded. Use your five senses to increase feelings of control (sight, sound, touch, smell and taste). Take a moment to smell that coffee before you drink it - even if it is cold by the time you get around to drinking.
Building a Supportive Community: You Are Not Alone
Never underestimate the power of connection. Connecting with fellow moms in the area through support groups is crucial for validation, understanding, and encouragement. We are so fortunate in our area to have multiple places where moms can connect with other moms such as Serenity Birth Studio, nook and Stronger Together.
There are also local, and larger mental health-focused organizations like Postpartum Support International and in our region the After Baby programs which can be accessed by contacting the Regional Perinatal Mood Disorder Coordinator @ 705-325-2201 ext. 3544; other resources are available through the Women and Children’s Health Network in our region.
We are stronger together - whether through community supports, therapy or loved ones. Expand your supports, build your village. You deserve to thrive as a mom.
Supporting New Moms: Partners and Loved Ones Play a Vital Role
Partners and loved ones can make a significant difference by supporting new parents in practical ways, such as ensuring they get enough sleep and have access to self-care. Understanding that struggling postpartum is common and not the fault of the new parent are optimal to supporting your partner with compassion.
Effective communication strategies and techniques for challenging irrational beliefs will be discussed in our next blog post - stay tuned! Feeling heard and being able to communicate our needs can go a really long way.
Promising Developments and Key Messages: A Glimpse of Hope
Always remember: new moms and dads you are not alone in your struggles postpartum, help is available, and perinatal mental health practitioners are here to validate your experience and provide tangible tools for reducing distress.
You do not need to continue feeling overwhelmed and alone. There is hope, and if connecting with loved ones, support groups and professionals is not resulting in feeling calmer and more in control of your life, primary care providers are there to support you in exploring medication and referrals to psychiatry (such as Bria) to ensure you can live the life you want and thrive as a parent.
Conclusion: Becoming a mother is hard no matter your path to getting here, and perinatal anxiety is a common part of this journey. Common does not have to mean normal. With the right support, resources, and a compassionate community, new moms in Ontario, Canada and beyond, can navigate these challenges and find strength, resilience, and fulfillment in their roles as mothers.
