Finding Hope and Healing: A Journey for those Who Have Lost Their Babies

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

Dear readers. Today, we want to address a topic that touches the hearts of many families around the world, a topic that's often kept hidden, carried silently within the depths of the heart. We're here to talk about the pain of losing a baby in pregnancy or infancy and to help you feel less alone and less burdened with guilt and distress. In this journey, we hope to bring you a little bit of comfort, understanding, and the promise that one day, hope will shine through your grief.

Please Know: You Are Not Alone

The moment you lost your baby, you likely felt a profound sense of isolation. It's important to understand that you are not alone in this journey. Many birth givers and families have faced similar pain and have come out the other side. Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can provide you with the empathy and companionship you need during this time. Statistics can feel so cold, but also can help with feeling you are the only one. Many are not aware that 1 in 4 pregnancies does not end with a living baby. That’s a lot. So many keep their losses to themselves in shame, guilt and sadness.

It's Not Your Fault:

One of the most common emotions women experience after a miscarriage or infant loss is guilt. You may question if you did something wrong, if you could have prevented it. Remember, these feelings are natural, but it's vital to know that in most cases, the loss is not your fault. Most miscarriages happen due to chromosomal abnormalities or factors beyond your control. Blaming yourself will not change the outcome, blaming yourself will only deepen your distress and disconnect you from the opportunity to honour your baby if you choose to.

Grief Is a Rollercoaster:

Grief doesn't follow a linear path; it's a rollercoaster of emotions. Many do not connect with the old pattern of stages of grief - its ok if it does not fit for you either. Grief is not predictable. Some days, you may feel okay, and others, you may be overwhelmed with sadness. Allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling without judgment. Your grief is a testament to the love you had for your baby.

Healing Takes Time:

Healing is not a race. It's okay to take your time and grieve at your own pace. There's no set timeline for when you should "move on." Each person's journey is unique, and healing can take months or even years. Be patient with yourself. I like the analogy that grief does not end, but our lives extend to hold the grief.

Finding Hope:

In the darkest of times, hope can seem elusive. But know this – hope exists, and it will find its way back to you. It may come in the form of a new pregnancy, a rainbow baby, or even through the support and love of those around you. Hold onto the belief that days can feel better in the future without guilt, and there is more for you in this world. Which leads me to the next point:

Honoring Your Baby:

Find a way to honour and remember your baby. Whether it's creating a memorial, planting a tree, or writing a letter, doing something special in your baby's memory can provide a sense of closure and connection. There is no right way to honour your baby. You may have named your baby and include them in family events through photos or writing their name on cards. Or you may choose to keep them close to your heart and not share their story with others at all. It is your choice. Others cannot tell you what is “normal” or “weird”. Your baby’s place in your story is your own.

Seek (Professional) Help:

Sometimes, the pain can become overwhelming, and it's okay to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific needs or you may choose to connect with a support group like the PAIL Network or Bridget’s Bunnies to feel less alone and be supported by others who have faced similar losses.

Conclusion:

Losing a baby in pregnancy or infancy is an indescribable pain, but it's a pain that many families have faced. You are not alone in this journey, and it's not your fault. Your grief is a testament to the love you have for your baby. Healing takes time, but hope will find its way back to you, and one day, you will find solace and joy once again.

Remember, there is strength in vulnerability, and there is power in reaching out for support. You are stronger than you know, and your story can be a source of inspiration and comfort for others who are on a similar path.

This October, let us hold our hearts heavy but hopeful, as we navigate this journey together. You are not alone, and together, we can find the light at the end of the tunnel.

Next month our therapists will be hosting a very special pregnancy and infant loss processing group, to provide extra space for those with losses to be able to process their grief and the trauma that often accompanies pregnancy loss or the death an infant. If you are interested in joining our therapy processing group - please reach out to info@ambersperling.ca and hold your spot for the evening of November 23rd in Barrie, ON.