Unrealistic Expectations during Motherhood
In today’s digital world, we are constantly exposed to snippets of people’s lives. This can be problematic, as these small glimpses often fail to reflect the reality most people live, yet we find ourselves comparing. These comparisons can lead to feelings of inadequacy, distorted beliefs, emotional burnout, loss of contentment, mom rage, and more.
Let’s break down the harms of social media and motherhood:
Constant Comparison: Social media showcases selected versions of motherhood, often promoting perfectionism. Mothers often compare themselves to these unrealistic standards, leading to feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and shame.
Emotional Burnout: The pressure to meet impossible standards in parenting, career, and personal life often results in emotional exhaustion, anxiety, and burnout.
Distorted Reality: Highlight reels on social platforms present an idealized version of parenting that rarely reflects the real struggles and messiness of daily life.
Mental Health Strain: Constant exposure to “perfect” lives contributes to anxiety, depression, and self-doubt, as mothers struggle to reconcile their real-life challenges with the images they see online.
Isolation: Despite being connected through social media, many women feel isolated because they believe their struggles are unique, further deepening feelings of inadequacy.
What are the impacts?
Repressed Anger: Unrealistic expectations can trigger "mom rage," a response to chronic frustration, exhaustion, and unmet emotional needs. Many women suppress their anger out of fear of being judged as “bad” mothers.
Shame Cycle: When anger or irritability surfaces, it often leads to shame and guilt, reinforcing a cycle of emotional repression and burnout.
Disconnect from Children: Mothers caught in the cycle of self-criticism and striving for perfection may become emotionally distant from their children, affecting the parent-child bond.
Harsh Inner Critic: Constant self-evaluation can lead to harsher parenting practices as stress mounts, conflicting with the desire for peaceful and responsive parenting.
Pressure to “Do It All”: North American culture often glorifies the idea of the "supermom" who juggles work, home, and children perfectly, placing an immense burden on women to meet unattainable standards.
Lack of Support Systems: Without adequate societal support—such as accessible childcare, flexible work policies, and community network. Women are left to bear the brunt of these pressures largely on their own.
Now that we understand the harms, what can we do?
Some experts suggest eliminating social media altogether, but let’s be realistic. Here are a few things you can do instead:
Examine Your Relationship with Social Media: What are you getting out of the platform? What are the negative consequences? Reflect on what you can shift to develop a healthier relationship with the digital world.
Embrace Imperfection: Acknowledge that perfect parenting does not exist. Learning to be compassionate with yourself is a critical step toward relieving the pressure, fostering a healthier relationship with motherhood.
Seek Authentic Connections: Building supportive communities where mothers can share their highs and lows authentically, helps combat feelings of isolation.
Regulation Over Perfection: Focus on self-compassion and emotional regulation (e.g., through approaches like Brain-Body Parenting and Self-Reg). Mothers can prioritize mental well-being and connection over societal standards.
By addressing the harmful effects of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations, women can begin to free themselves from the burden of societal pressures and develop a more authentic, connected, and fulfilling experience of motherhood.
